Thankful

Today I was looking back at the past two and a half years and realized that SO much has happened!

Back in 2011, less than three months after my high school graduation, I became Mrs. Weaver. At the time, I think its safe to say that most people thought I was a little bit (a lot) crazy! While the people who actually mattered the most in our lives were supportive of our decision to wed at such a young age, there were a lot of other people who weren’t afraid to tell me that I was surely going to regret it.

But - crazy as people may have thought I was – it was the best decision of my life! As I am getting ready to graduate in a little over a week I have been reflecting back on my “college life.” Sure, maybe I missed out on a few things like participating in homecoming week or tailgating at the football games, and to be honest I didn’t make any of the lifetime friends everyone talks about when they look back to their college years… but I have never been bothered by any of the things I didn’t get to experience while in college. I’ve had so many experiences of my own!

My experiences might have been much different than the average college kid’s, but I’m happy with that! Looking back I couldn’t imagine going through everything without Ryan by my side.

Its kind of nuts to think about what all has happened in those past 2.5 years together. We have packed up every last belonging and moved 6 times already. We’ve put thousands and thousands and thousands of miles on our surprisingly trusty cars, commuting back and forth to school. We lived in Canada for 3 months, learning how to speak French (very Quebecois French J).

We’ve grown together as a couple. We’ve grown in our spirituality, learning to trust God more each day as He has given us patience and peace in the final months before we pack up all our things again and get on a plane. And now we are just eagerly waiting for that day to come!

And maybe it’s the season, but I’ve been feeling extra thankful lately! Gosh, there are just so many people who have come into our lives and made a profound impact on us. When I sit down to thank God for all of the wonderful things in my life, the list just goes on and on. It’s a really great feeling to know that I could speak to Him for hours, not asking of anything, but just simply thanking Him for all He has put in my life! God is good. J

A long time ago I heard the quote, “What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?” It may be a simple question, but since I heard that the first time my prayer life has changed dramatically! Sadly, isn’t it sometimes hard to step back and see all of the things we have to be thankful for? Even just the thought that God chose to wake me up this morning amazes me! I’m a pretty lucky girl. What are you thankful for?

Fear of Man

We are just beginning the phase of going to a different church every few weeks. After this morning (which wasn't even a support-raising morning - our pastor just had us come up for a moment at the end of the service to invite us into the church and tell the congregation where we are going and have them pray for us) I just know this whole going-and-raising-support thing is going to be really hard for me. 

First of all, because I am probably the shyest person there could be for this kind of missions gig. I am scared to DEATH of getting in front of people. I physically get sick to my stomach even thinking about going in front of a crowd - and get butterflies (the bad kind!) and shaky when I have to go up there! It's so horrible. :( I'm just praying that I can get through these next few months with just being the cute, shy, little wife who stands there or sits in the pews while Ryan (God bless him!!!) shares our story with the congregation. 

The one-on-one after I can handle. I can talk to someone about what we are doing and how God is calling me to go to the foreign mission field. Or at least I thought I could. I have encountered this here and there in the past, but this morning I found myself at a complete loss for words when nearly every person who came to meet Ryan and I would shake our hands and tell us "how proud of us" they are and "how great it is what we are doing" and "how exciting and what an 'adventure' its going to be" and so on. Like it's something that I should be PROUD of, like it is something that I chose to do for fun - for adventure. 

I truly appreciate the love, care, support, and prayers that people have been giving us.  But sometimes I just smile and say thank you, because I haven't figured out how to respond to those statements yet! And I know that it is only going to continue to happen every time we go anywhere and share with people what we are doing. But to be honest, it actually upsets me when people say those things! Especially when they say how great it is what we are doing. It makes me feel queasy for hours after hearing that! 

I guess I don't know how to explain what I mean. Maybe I'll get used to it over time. And maybe it is because I haven't even gotten to Haiti yet! I haven't even experienced it yet. I'm so incredibly excited and nervous for January/February to get here. But at the same time, the closer and closer it gets to that time, the more I feel COMPLETELY inadequate to be going there. Like, I start to think - What on earth am I thinking?! How can God use ME there? I'm just not the "type" of person that seems fit to be a missionary. I definitely don’t have the right personality traits! The biggest problem being that I am so incredibly shy.  Some of the things I know I will encounter or have to do on a normal basis in Haiti just makes me nervous already! 

I realize that 99% of my problem is my fear of man. I guess I've always been afraid! I’ve always worried about what people think of me, how they are judging me. I absolutely hate having any attention on me, I get so nervous! And as much as I have prayed about it in the past few years, when it comes down to getting in front of people, I feel like nothing has changed. No matter how many times I tell myself NO ONE CARES or thinks twice about me saying something, it still gets to me.

I can only hope that over time, those fears become smaller and smaller. I know it will take lots and lots of prayers along the way for confidence in myself, whom Christ is in! I guess for now, I need to figure out how to deal with the aftermath of getting up in front of a church and asking for support - when people say things that are meant to be encouragement, but make me feel so insufficient.

Yes, going to the mission field sounds a little exciting and I know people mean no harm when they mention that, but what do I really want to say? I really want to just say, you know - if I could choose the kind of life I always imagined for myself, I'd skip out on the “adventure” and stay here and live a normal life. A life where I can have a decent house and live close enough to our parents so we can have kids who grow up and have "normal" lives, where we see their families on a regular basis. Where my husband has a normal job and where we don't have to depend on others to literally put food on the table and give us a roof over our heads. Where I can have little kids running around in a big yard, and my biggest worry is what shade of paint I'd like to paint my kitchen walls. I realize that there are SO many blessings that come with the “job” of being a missionary, but the thought of that change in lifestyle is sometimes slightly overwhelming. The thought of being completely dependent on others while trying to give my all to God, whatever that will look like in Haiti, is pretty scary to me!

I know that, at least at one point, other missionaries have probably felt these types of feelings. Right? Or am I completely alone and totally worldy and self-absorbed because I get sad sometimes when I think of all of those THINGS I will be leaving behind. (That’s what most of them are – just silly, materialistic things I have decided are important!) I just wonder how I can feel these feelings and yet be the type of person who plans to leave and "give it all up for God."

I know I've used this word multiple times already, but I just feel so inadequate! Inadequate to move to a place in a beautiful country where there are so many amazing people who I just know will welcome me with big hugs. Gosh, I just pray every.single.day that God will allow me to GET OVER MYSELF and that He will really be able to use me in Haiti to further His Kingdom. I pray that there WILL be a place for me in Haiti. A place that I can fill, even with all my insecurities; I pray that God will fill up all of the spaces where I am lacking.

So – if you happen to read this – would you please pray with me? Would you please pray for the confidence that I need, not only for these next few months of support-raising, but for the rest of my life? The confidence of knowing that God is within me, and therefore no one can be against me. That as long as I live my life for God, I don’t need to worry about what others think of me. That I only care about the judgement of the God who reigns above me and strive for perfection in His holy eyes - and not worry about the judgment of man. 

Psalm 56:3-4 --- When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. I praise God for what He has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?

October Update

First of all, Happy Birthday to my dad! I’d tell you how old he is, but if you know him I will leave it up to your imagination. My guesses are that not very many people could guess his real age! I think you could say he has been blessed with a face that ages well. ;)

(If I had a recent picture of him where he is actually looking at the camera, I would insert it here. Sorry, Dad. That’s what you get for always trying to dodge Kodak moments!)

Ryan got back from a short trip to Haiti a little over three weeks ago and left early yesterday morning for Kentucky to spend a week taking his on-campus classes. He came back from Haiti excited and ready to pack up all our things and go back! Which, of course, made me all the more eager to do the same.

I have never actually been to Emmaus Biblical Seminary. I’ve only been to Haiti once (over 2 years ago) and I was more or less on the opposite side of the country. That said, after not having been there for so long the excitement to go back had kind of dwindled down. But I can say that in the past two years, right now is the most excited I have been to start our journey there. I’m so excited to see what God has in store for us and to see how He can use us there, as well as to see how He can use others there to impact our lives!

Partial credit for my excitement can be given to Sharon (and Martin ;) Mishler, who has been crowned the title of missions-fairy-who-has-magical-dust-and-gets-all-things-mission-related-done-with-an-“abracadabra.” (No wand needed!) Not only is she able to give me far more insight than I ever had about going to the mission field – Haiti, in particular – but she really takes care of us. Sharon, we appreciate you more than you’ll ever know!

And on top of all of that, she has started working with us on learning Creole! I imagined that transitioning into this new language would kind of a burden after spending months of learning French, which was not an easy feat! But it has really been the opposite. I am so incredibly thankful for being able to spend the summer in Quebec because now I see just how important learning those French-speaking skills are in regards to learning Creole and also being able to speak and comprehend French in the academic setting while we are there! Learning these languages have been such a blessing!

I suppose I’ll give a bit more of an update of our day-to-day things. They seem too mundane for me to make multiple posts over, so this blog page has been pretty silent for a while. I am just making my way through my last semester at Washburn. I’ll admit – I thought this semester would be a piece of cake since I am only in 4 classes, rather than 8 or 9! But a couple of these senior-level finance classes are kind of kicking my behind! But I’m trying my hardest and praying for the best outcome.

Ryan has been extremely busy, to say the least! Between going to Haiti and Kentucky for two weeks out of the last month, he works as hard as he can to get things done and not fall behind in his classes. His online classes require up to 20+ hours of watching lectures alone, plus reading tons of books, taking quizzes, and writing a few papers here and there. Thankfully he is able to get quite a bit done in his downtime at NorthRidge. And speaking of that, he has also been working with the youth group in Falls City for a few weeks now. It has started out with pretty small numbers of kids, but we are praying that more will continue to show up each week and that this youth group will be beneficial in their walks with Christ.

Other than daily things, we are really working hard to find financial support so that we can be sent to Haiti by February, the beginning of the new school year at Emmaus. We have quite a way go in reaching the amount needed before we can leave! This has been somewhat of a challenge since we simply didn’t grow up going to church. We don’t really have a lot of personal connections or ties with many churches because of that, so that has been the biggest challenge for us. We are so blessed with the generous giving of the people here in Sabetha, but we are hoping to find some individuals outside of NorthRidge who feel led to join us in this mission so that we don’t leave the bodies of Christ at our "home" church with that big of a financial commitment. Please pray for us that within the next few months that we will have the chance to be used by God to impact the lives of others who may choose to join us with support - financially, emotionally, physically, and/or prayerfully.

If you know anyone or go to a church that you think might have members who would be interested in joining our mission, please contact us! We would love to share more about what God is doing in our lives and why we feel led to do foreign missions. February will be here before we know it, and God-willing, we would love to make it to Emmaus by the time the visiting professors leave and the semester-long classes begin. Please be in prayer with us, and feel free to share this post if you know of anyone who might be interested!

And just for giggles, my handsome husband must really love me if he is willing to wear this in public! :)

Pray for Ryan and Chris!

Friday afternoon, Ryan and Pastor Chris headed to Haiti. Chris is teaching a two week long class at the seminary and Ryan is spending a week getting to know the missionaries and students there and is finding out what will be expected of us when we move there.

While I wish I could be there to find out myself, I am so excited to hear that our 3 month language school was definitely worth it! Ryan is so happy to actually be able to connect with the students this time around, since he can communicate with them! And I can't wait for him to be back and teach me some Creole that I'm sure he is picking up. :)

Please pray for the two (Ryan and Chris) as they are in Haiti - pray that their visit will be fruitful and that they make it home safely! And I'd like to thank Stacey, who I know I can count on to give me updates while they are there. So, thanks Stacey! :)

Missions Exist because Worship Doesn't.

The Great Commission is something that I think about daily. I have many family members and friends who do not understand why Ryan and I have chosen to follow this will of God. Often times we hear questions of why we must go to a different country to glorify God rather than staying here in Smalltown, USA, and helping those in dire need all around us. The very simplified answer to that is that it is God’s definite will for all peoples to know Him. And in the simplest of all simple answers, those who have not heard will not hear until someone proclaims the gospel to them.

I believe that there are enough people, physical churches, and resources (bibles, other books, the internet, etc.) here for anyone in the US who is curious about God to ask around and find answers. [Disclaimer: That is not by any means to say that I do not think that evangelizing and disciplining here is any less important than in other nations – for if it wasn’t for domestic missions, neither my husband nor I would have become believers.] On the other hand, there are so many other places in the world that are literally unreached and in which the Gospel has never been heard, and other places where the Gospel has been heard but true, Gospel-oriented churches have hardly been established. So while there is a definite need for domestic missionaries, there is also an incredible need for the gospel to be taken to all other people in the world.

I have read the following article on foreign missions (by John Piper) before, but as I reread it today I couldn’t help but share it with all of you!

I really thought this article put things into a detailed, yet simple understanding of the convictions of foreign missions.

All of the below are highlights that came straight from the text and although the article is lengthy, I encourage you to just go to the following website and read it in entirety. It takes each of the following points and further explains them - is well worth the read!

http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/articles/driving-convictions-behind-foreign-missions

Driving Convictions Behind Foreign Missions

By John Piper and Tom Stellar

Conviction #1—God’s Goal in Creation and Redemption Is a Missionary Goal Because Our God Is a Missionary God

Conviction #2—God Is Passionately Committed to His Fame. God’s Ultimate Goal Is That His Name Be Known and Praised by All the Peoples of the Earth.

Conviction #3—Worship Is the Fuel and the Goal of Missions.

Missions is not the ultimate goal of the church. Worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn’t. God’s passion is to be known and honored and worshipped among all the peoples. To worship him is to share that passion for his supremacy among the nations.

In heaven there will be no missions; only worship. Gathered around the throne will be worshipers from every tribe and tongue and people and nation (Revelation 7:9). Thus the goal of missions will have been accomplished. But until that is the case, true worshipers who have tasted the goodness of the Lord will not be content until they have invited the nations to join them in the feast.

Conviction #4—God’s Passion to Be Known and Praised by All the Peoples of the Earth Is Not Selfish, But Loving.

Perhaps the best way to see that God’s passion for his fame is an expression of his love is to notice that God’s mercy is the pinnacle of his glory. This is what he wants to be honored for above all else. You can see this in Romans 15:9 where Paul says that the reason Christ came into the world was so “that the nations might glorify God for his mercy.”

Do you see how the convictions already mentioned come together in that little phrase: “glorify God for his mercy”? God gets the glory; we get the mercy. God is praised; we are saved. God gets the honor; we get the joy. God is glorified for his fullness; we are satisfied with his mercy.

So to sum up our convictions so far, there are two basic problems in the universe: God is profaned and people are perishing. God will not suffer his name to be dishonored indefinitely, but will act mightily to vindicate his name and glorify himself among the nations. God has planned a way to do this by saving the perishing through the death of his Son, Jesus, and making them a worshipping people who enjoy his glory.

Conviction #5—God’s Purpose to Be Praised Among All the Nations Cannot Fail. It Is an Absolutely Certain Promise. It Is Going to Happen.

Conviction #6—Only in God Will Our Souls Be At Rest.

Conviction #7—Domestic Ministries Are the Goal of Frontier Missions.

Frontier missions is the exportation of the possibility and practice of domestic ministries in the name of Jesus to unreached people groups.

Why should there be tension between these two groups of people? The frontier people honor the domestic people by agreeing that their work is worth exporting. The domestic people honor the frontier people by insisting that what they export is worth doing here. A crucial training ground for frontier missions is on the home front engaging in domestic ministries.

Conviction #8—The Missionary Task Is Focused on Peoples, Not Just Individual People, and Is Therefore Finishable.

Conviction #9—The Need of the Hour Is for Thousands of New Paul-Type Missionaries, A Fact Which Is Sometimes Obscured by the Quantity of Timothy-Type Missionaries.

Conviction #10—It Is the Joyful Duty and the Awesome Privilege of Every Local Church to Send Out Missionaries “In a Manner Worthy of God” (3 John 6).

To send in a manner worthy of God is to so recognize the supreme importance of proclaiming the name of God in word and deed among the nations that we will do whatever we can to support those who go out for the sake of the name—spiritually, practically, emotionally, financially.

Conviction #11—We Are Called to a Wartime Lifestyle for the Sake of Going and Sending.

Conviction #12—Prayer Is a Wartime Walkie-Talkie Not a Domestic Intercom.

Conviction #13—Our Aim Is Not to Persuade Everyone to Become a Missionary, But to Help Everyone Become a World Christian.

Those who are not called to go out for the sake of the name are called to stay for the sake of the name, to be salt and light right where God has placed them, and to join others in sending those who are called to be cross-cultural missionaries.

In God’s eyes both the goers and the senders are crucial. There are no first and second class Christians in God’s hierarchy of values. Together the goers and the senders are “fellow-workers with the truth” (3 John 8).

So whether you are a goer or a sender is a secondary issue. That your heart beats with God’s in his pursuit of worshipers from every tribe and tongue and people and nation is the primary issue. This is what it means to be a World Christian.

Conviction #14—God Is Most Glorified in Us When We Are Most Satisfied in Him; And Our Satisfaction in Him Is Greatest When It Expands to Embrace Others—Even When This Involves Suffering.

These are our driving missions convictions at Bethlehem. If God opens your heart, you will see that there is no better way to live than in the wartime lifestyle that maximizes all you are and all you have for the sake of finishing the Great Commission. Because in this way God is magnified, we are satisfied, and the nations are loved.

When it comes to world missions, there are only three kinds of Christians: zealous goers, zealous senders, and disobedient. Which will you be? Please join us in “spreading a passion for the supremacy of God in all things for the joy of all peoples.”

http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/articles/driving-convictions-behind-foreign-missions